Where do ants go to eat?
At a restaurant!
What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
Antteneye!
What do you call an and with frogs legs?
An antphibian!
What kind of ants are very learned?
Pedants!
What do you call a smart ant?
Elegant!
What do you call an ant who can't play the piano?
Discordant!
What kind of ant is good at maths?
An accountant!
How come if ants are always so busy they always get time to show up at picnics?
How many ants are needed to fill an apartment?
Ten ants!
Ant jokes 03
Ant jokes 02
What do you call an ant who lives with your great uncle?
Your great-ant!
Who was the most famous ant scientist?
Albert Antstein!
What games to ants play with elephants?
Squash!
What do you call a 100 year old ant?
An antique!
What kind of ant can you colour with?
A crayant!
Who is the most famous French ant?
Napoleant!
Why did the ant-elope?
Nobody gnu!
What is the biggest ant in the world?
An elephant!
Why don't anteaters get sick?
Because they are full of antibodies!
What do you call an ant who likes to be alone?
An independant!
Ant jokes 01
Where do ants go for their holidays?
Frants!
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant!
What do you get if you cross some ants with some tics?
All sorts of antics!
What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater!
Why did the elephant put his trunk across the path?
To trip up the ants!
What is even bigger than an elephant?
A giant!
What do you call an ant in space?
Cosmonants & Astronants!
What do you call an ant from overseas?
Impartant!
What medicine would you give an ill ant?
Antibiotics!
What is smaller than an ant's dinner?
An ant's mouth!
Purchasing a new bird
After many years of marriage, a man had turned into a "couch potato" was totally inattentive to his wife and sat guzzling beer and watch TV all day. The woman was upset because no matter what they have to the attention of man, he would just shrug with some bored comment.
This went on for many months and the woman was boredom, to be crazy. Then one day at a pet store, the woman saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble down the side of its mouth.
The shop owner, its fascination for observing the birds, told her it was a special imported "Goony Bird," and it was a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony Bird, in the table!"
Gleich, the Goony bird flew from its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into hundreds of small pieces with his powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shop owner said: "Goony Bird! Shelf!"
Also, the Goony Bird turned to the pole and demolished it in seconds.
"Wow!" , The woman said, "If this is not my husband draws the attention, nothing!" So she bought the bird and took it home.
When they reached the house, the man was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watch the game. "Honey!" Rief, "I have a surprise for you! Goony Bird!"
The man, in his usual bored tone replied: "Goony Bird, my foot!"
This went on for many months and the woman was boredom, to be crazy. Then one day at a pet store, the woman saw this big, ugly, snorting bird with a hairy chest, powerful hairy forearms, beady eyes and dribble down the side of its mouth.
The shop owner, its fascination for observing the birds, told her it was a special imported "Goony Bird," and it was a very peculiar trait. To demonstrate, he exclaimed, "Goony Bird, in the table!"
Gleich, the Goony bird flew from its perch and with single-minded fury attacked the table and smashed it into hundreds of small pieces with his powerful forearms and claws! To demonstrate some more, the shop owner said: "Goony Bird! Shelf!"
Also, the Goony Bird turned to the pole and demolished it in seconds.
"Wow!" , The woman said, "If this is not my husband draws the attention, nothing!" So she bought the bird and took it home.
When they reached the house, the man was, as usual, sprawled on the sofa guzzling beer and watch the game. "Honey!" Rief, "I have a surprise for you! Goony Bird!"
The man, in his usual bored tone replied: "Goony Bird, my foot!"
Mistakes on a resume
These are from actual CVs:
"Personally, I am married and the father of 9 children. I do not know prescription drugs.
"I am very loyal to my present firm, so please do not let them know of my immediate availability."
"Qualifications: I am a man of passion and integrity, and I can act in the short term. I'ma class act, and not cheap."
"I intentionally omitted my salary history. Money, and I have lost money. Rich I have, and I have bad. I prefer the rich."
"Note: Please do not misconstrue my 14 jobs as" job hopping. "I have never quit a job."
"Number of members: 40"
"Marital status: Often. Children: Different."
AGAIN BLOOPERS
"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
Reasons for leaving the last job:
"Responsibility makes me nervous."
"She said that all employees at work by 8:45 every morning. Can not under these circumstances."
Reasons for leaving my last job:
"Was met with a series of broken promises and lies, and cockroaches."
"I was for my mother, until she decided to move."
"The company has given me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."
JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:
"I am open to the first type of an assignment, I am decidedly removed, so that, at least in part, enjoyed the experience so far and that it be configured to ultimately lead to the use of more sophisticated financial management as facets the large area of responsibility. "
"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."
SPECIAL JOB INFORMATION & OBJECTIVES:
"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."
"My goal is to become a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
"I hesitate - especially when the task is unpleasant."
PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:
"Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."
PERSONAL INTERESTS:
"Blood donation. 14 gallons so far."
Small typo can change, that the significance:
Education: College, August 1880-May 1984. "
"Work Experience: How to deal with customers," that arouse conflicts. "
"Development and recommend an annual operating expense fudget."
"I am angry typist."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain."
"Personally, I am married and the father of 9 children. I do not know prescription drugs.
"I am very loyal to my present firm, so please do not let them know of my immediate availability."
"Qualifications: I am a man of passion and integrity, and I can act in the short term. I'ma class act, and not cheap."
"I intentionally omitted my salary history. Money, and I have lost money. Rich I have, and I have bad. I prefer the rich."
"Note: Please do not misconstrue my 14 jobs as" job hopping. "I have never quit a job."
"Number of members: 40"
"Marital status: Often. Children: Different."
AGAIN BLOOPERS
"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."
Reasons for leaving the last job:
"Responsibility makes me nervous."
"She said that all employees at work by 8:45 every morning. Can not under these circumstances."
Reasons for leaving my last job:
"Was met with a series of broken promises and lies, and cockroaches."
"I was for my mother, until she decided to move."
"The company has given me a scapegoat - just like my three previous employers."
JOB RESPONSIBILITIES:
"I am open to the first type of an assignment, I am decidedly removed, so that, at least in part, enjoyed the experience so far and that it be configured to ultimately lead to the use of more sophisticated financial management as facets the large area of responsibility. "
"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."
SPECIAL JOB INFORMATION & OBJECTIVES:
"Please call me after 5:30 because I am self-employed and my employer does not know I am looking for another job."
"My goal is to become a meteorologist. But since I have no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
"I hesitate - especially when the task is unpleasant."
PHYSICAL DISABILITIES:
"Minor allergies to house cats and Mongolian sheep."
PERSONAL INTERESTS:
"Blood donation. 14 gallons so far."
Small typo can change, that the significance:
Education: College, August 1880-May 1984. "
"Work Experience: How to deal with customers," that arouse conflicts. "
"Development and recommend an annual operating expense fudget."
"I am angry typist."
"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain."
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